Becca’s TMS Journey

My name is Becca.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a form of infertility called PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and it’s caused me a lot of stress, anxiety and depression. I tried six different medications over several months but instead of helping, they aggravated my mental illness by making me feel bloated, nauseous and dizzy. I tried therapy, and it didn’t really seem to help. Over time, I stopped enjoying life. I didn’t want to work, socialize, or even get out of bed.

It affected my work life drastically. I work in customer service during the day, and I wasn’t able to feel empathy for my customers because I was having such a hard time myself. And in the evenings, I love to perform. But I wasn’t even able to enjoy it. It just felt like another chore on my never ending to-do list.

It got to a point that I didn’t even want to continue anymore, and one day I ended up committing myself to the hospital for my own safety. I’d been seeing a psychiatrist at Serenity Mental Health Centers for some time, but had turned down TMS as a treatment option several times because it was so different. After I got out of the hospital, I knew that I couldn’t continue going through the motions like I had been. I decided to take a chance on TMS, and scheduled my first appointment.

Even after scheduling my appointment though, I felt very apprehensive about it. I was really doubtful that TMS would help, because nothing had up to that point. I was on the verge of giving up. But on the first day I came in with my husband and met my technician, Ben. He explained exactly what was going to happen, set all the expectations for me, and mapped my brain. (Basically that means finding where different parts of your brain are located by watching how your hand moves when they send a pulse through the helmet.) After that, I felt my anxiety subside drastically and I thought that maybe that this time things might be different.

Around the third week my family and friends started to notice little changes. I wanted to connect a lot more and just cared a lot more about things. Sometime around the fourth week, it was like a switch flipped in me. I noticed that I was able to let things go easier. I remember messing up on something, and normally that would absolutely ruin my day because I’d beat myself up over it all day long, or sometimes for days on end. But instead, I was able past it without really thinking about it. I didn’t even notice something that would normally stress me so much had happened until later in the day, right before my TMS appointment.

I’ve completed TMS now, and my life is totally different than I thought it would be. I honestly believed I was the most hopeless person on Earth before this treatment. I remind myself of a version of me from years ago because I’m so driven and ready to take on a million challenges at once, and I haven’t had the energy to do that for a long time. I’m working on things again that I am passionate about and I’m able to enjoy it. The hardest part of TMS was staying motivated to come to the appointments every day, because I didn’t really believe I could get better. But even though it was really difficult, it was absolutely worth it. The staff in the clinic will support you every step of the way. To anyone who is feeling stuck or hopeless, this is worth the effort- and you are worth the effort. My life has been changed, my depression and anxiety are so much more manageable, and I know it has the potential to help you take back your life too.