My name is Eva.
I unknowingly struggled with severe anxiety for years, although I’m not sure exactly how long. I was under a lot of extra stress from the COVID-19 pandemic, social distancing, struggling to find toilet paper, etc, but also with personal...
My name is Eva.
I unknowingly struggled with severe anxiety for years, although I’m not sure exactly how long. I was under a lot of extra stress from the COVID-19 pandemic, social distancing, struggling to find toilet paper, etc, but also with personal circumstances that really affected me. It was just a really stressful time for me, and I’d been I was struggling to really enjoy life and be the outgoing bubbly person I wanted to be.
In hindsight, I feel like my anxiety has progressively gotten a lot worse over the years, and it really came to a head after one of my cousins died in a motorcycle accident at the end of 2019. It affected me quite a bit, both on a personal level and indirectly because of how much it impacted my mom. I was terrified and on edge all the time, and when people would talk to me, I’d get really overwhelmed and panicky. I felt helpless because I couldn’t see my family or be there for my mom the way I wanted to because of social distancing. And it was just too much for me to handle.
I felt like I wasn’t able to be a good friend or a good wife. It particularly impacted my relationship with my husband because he loves to talk and spend time with others. I knew that I was holding him back from doing so as much as he wanted to, and I was convinced that I was just a burden. As much as I wanted to be more social, I just couldn’t, and I was really scared he’d resent me for it.
I remember one time we were going to go meet some friends from high school at this bar, and we were both so excited to see them again. As we were in line to go in, suddenly I just felt terrified. I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts and worries about what my friends would think of me. I turned to my husband and told him I wasn’t going in, and I was going home. I remember how hurt he was, and how confused he was- and I couldn’t explain it. After that, I knew that I needed to do something to get better.
Because I work at Serenity I was already familiar with TMS and I decided to try and see if it would work for me. Truthfully, the first appointment, I was really scared. Even though I worked in the clinic and saw how much it helped patients, because of my anxiety, I was really doubtful that it would help me and kept overthinking what could go wrong. But my tech made me feel so comfortable that I found myself looking forward to my TMS appointments, and when I completed TMS, I missed talking to her.
My husband noticed differences first because I started wanting to talk to my friends again. And then, after about two weeks I started to notice little differences, too. For example, I used to get really stressed about driving, but now I‘m offering to drive, which honestly took me by surprise. I started putting more effort into myself, putting together outfits, going to the gym again, and eating better, and my friends have noticed I look better too. Recently, my husband and I talked and set goals together to buy a house and start a family, and before I just had no drive to build anything.
The me before TMS and after TMS are so different. I feel so much more happy, confident, and outspoken. I’m willing and able to express my feelings and to control my anxiety instead of the other way around. To anyone who is struggling with depression or anxiety, or another mental illness, you should know that this treatment is absolutely worth it and can change your life for the better.
If you want to learn more about TMS and Serenity’s approach to treatment, check out https://serenitymentalhealthcenters.comservices/tms/ or give us a call at (844) 692-4100.